This is a crawfish boil
This photo is from 2012, but this weekend was our 2018 crawfish boil. The attendee list changes from year to year. We meet new people, people move, old friends might get busy and can't attend, but that's fine. The location changes too. We've had 5 homes in Lexington. One year we lived in a condo and a friend host this for us in her backyard.
Crawfish boils are serious undertakings. My in-laws cook, because they are Louisiana natives and wonderful food is in their genes. I hope some of that passed to our son. My parents watched our son and helped with logistics. My dad tells great stories. My mom even helped with other people's kids, because she's an awesome grandma and she loves seeing kids having fun. Our friends chip in with setup and tear-down. They bring food to share. I'm introverted by nature, though I do a good job of masking that sometimes. This is my favorite party of the year, even though it's a hassle to put on, because it reminds me that people are good, and most of them will chip in to help you with a big project when you ask. I don't ask for help very often; throwing this party reminds me I should.
There is a great diversity of people, right in the photo above. Same is true for this one below from 2018, the traditional left-right-center game that follows the last batch of crawfish (and this year, a Triple Crown winner).
There are people of different political persuasions, religions, races, ethnicities ... and it's no big deal. No one cares. It's people getting together to share a meal and some beer and a giant slip-and-slide. We're not that different. We all need to eat. So how did we allow the media and the political parties to divide us so effectively?
It's nearly a year since my last blog post, and part of that was a realization that I don't understand America. I couldn't fathom how Trump could win, and part of that was my own ignorance. And, if I'm honest, it was also insensitivity on my part. I've lived a charmed life including attending two world-class universities. I know why the middle class is hurting, why global warming is a real threat to my son; these are facts that are not up for debate. I've traveled extensively in Europe and seen how free trade and open borders and subsidized high speed rail and national health care work. And they DO work. So does gun control.
If you were born and raised in Kentucky, particularly rural Kentucky, there's a fair chance that you've not been exposed to those things, so you only know what your family, friends and neighbors are experiencing. Maybe you pepper that with some sound bytes from whatever crappy US news station you prefer to watch (they all suck), which is mostly designed to sell advertising by way of reinforcing your views. Maybe you feel like facebook is a good barometer of how the country "feels," when in fact facebook is even worse than cable news at trying to reinforce your existing biases, while selling your data and eyeballs to the Russians (it happened, I've spent 20 years in IT, I know).
Trump is a narcissist and a 3rd rate snake oil salesman. Those of us with the benefit of advanced degrees and company-paid world travel know this. It's a fact, which will be evidenced by 4 years in office where he fails to deliver on many of his key promises. Robert Mueller has obtained 17 indictments and 5 guilty convictions - that's not a witch hunt. Trump told the people what they want to hear, but he can't deliver, even with BOTH houses of Congress controlled by his party. A guy with a supermodel for his 3rd wife, with gold plated faucets on his private 757, doesn't give a shit about the average American. But if you're out of a job in coal country, you desperately want him to. You've been lied to by politicians for years, if some guy tells you he's going to bring economic vitality back to your town, you almost have to vote for him. Same is true for steel country. And Detroit. And the rust belt. That's why Trump won. That, and Hillary is the least electable woman alive, and Americans are too damn lazy to actually get their asses to a polling place and VOTE.
We invited big coal to our crawfish boil this year. They attended. We had a lovely time together. We have a lot in common. It may shock you, but my friends associated with coal are not miners, they are executives. They are also very nice people. They want the best for their families. I took a photo a few months back of a "friends of coal" license plate (yes, that's a thing in Kentucky) on a brand new Maserati, so let's not pretend that all coal supporters are in the same tax bracket.
My point is that Anthony Bourdain was right - food brings people together. I am doing what I can, all the time, to learn more about other people and cultures and world views and political perspectives. I can't imagine going through this short life any other way. And definitely, I want to do this learning and have these conversations over a plate of curry and a glass of Genever. It may have taken me until 40 years of age to recognize and admit it, but I am not always right. I have much to learn.
I mourn Bourdain not only because I believe he added a voice of sanity and humanity to the cultural issues of our time, but also because he struggled with mental illness. While I can't say for sure, it seems reasonable to assume he was not getting the support he needed, whether that was from family & friends or from mental health professionals. Maybe both. This is one of the great tragedies of our time - that mental health issues still carry a stigma, and that everyone from the poor to the "rich and famous" can struggle to get the support they need.
Suicide is an obvious negative outcome, but there are many more. Roughly 20% of Americans struggle with mental health issues each year. That's one in five. Some experts believe that so much mental illness goes undiagnosed, the real number is likely much higher. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders ... there's a long list of diseases that prevent people from being their best self. This affects all of us, even if it's indirectly. Maybe it's a manager who can't focus on the right things. Maybe it's a parent who can't be as good of a dad/mom as he/she would like. Maybe it's a spouse who is distant, or a child who is struggling with social issues. There are a hundred variations.
I reflect on Bourdain's philosophy and his tragedy and wonder, how could a man who sought to understand others so much have felt so alone and hopeless himself? I'll never know that, but I can also ask, what am I doing each day to reach out and support those in my immediate circles? What about strangers - am I kind to them? If there was someone at our crawfish boil this weekend who was struggling, would they know they can reach out to me? Would I have known they were struggling?
Part of my conclusion in seeking to understand more about America is that we are out of touch with each other. We need to do more to reach out and listen. I am absolutely convinced that we agree on 70% of the issues, let's focus on those, and resist the media and the major parties and the special interests (like the Koch's and the NRA) when they try to divide us. If you are struggling and need help, ask someone you love. Or a stranger, or a co-worker, or you mailman, whatever. You will be amazed what kind of support is out there. If you have an employee assistance program at work, use it! Until we all get a chance to eat some crawfish together, let's at least look out for each other.
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